The Final Countdown! (No...not the Europe song, better!)

So I promised you, my dear readers, a surprise with this blah-g, did I not? Well, this will be my final month's subscription to the online dating community, so I've decided to go out with my guns blazing.

Well here it is...the big experiment...the hypothesis to either be proven or failed. What are women looking for in a man, exactly?

I think every "nice" guy (and even you assholes out there) knows what 89.67% (if you're wondering if I made that number up, yeah, I did, but the real number is probably pretty fucking close to that anyhow, so shut up) of those ladies, both single (and taken), are almost always looking for in a man/"partner."

You can be the nicest, sweetest, most thoughtful motherfucker in the world, but it won't do you any good.

You know what I'm talking about...that guy at the bar with the hottest girl in the bar, swooning all over him as he treats her like shit.

The guy that talks down to his girl, "disses" her, doesn't listen to her, etc.etc.etc.etc.etc.etc.etc.

This evening, I "updated" my online profile. What do you mean you "updated your profile," you ask?

It really was only a few things, here are the changes that I made:

I "updated" my height from my actual height, 5'5" to a magnificent 6'2"

I "updated" what the online dating site refers to as "build" from my unimpressive "slender" to a throbbing "Athletic & Toned"

I "updated" my tattoos/piercings from having a "strategically placed tattoo" (it would actually be the plural for me, just in case you were wondering) to "none."
*Note* In our day and age, body modification is so common place, but I thought, what the hell, I might as well try to impress all the Prudes out there.

And the Whopper-sandwich?

I "updated" my picayune salary from (these are their ranges) $35,001 - $50,000 to a Rolling Stones satisfactory $75,001 - $100,000!

To try and keep it simple, I quickly, without actually reading any of the ladies profiles, just basing my decision purely on their "looks," gave the old "wink" (as the site refers to them) to 52 ladies, ranging in age from 18-35, single, divorced, the whole she-bang.

I will be sure to provide you with any updates resulting from my "updates."